In Love

In Love

Monday, January 9, 2012

Marriage, Kids, Life, & Love

I know it has been a while since my last blog so i have some major updating to do...

Well Braxton is 3 and he is my sweetest boy ever! i am worried he will have his heart broken later on in life by a girl that he will fall in love with, and it will completely crush him.  I guess if i know about it now i can prepare myself to hug him and soak up all of the tears when that day happens.
Braxton is my complete love bug! He is always so concerned about his momma! He will stop playing with his toys just to look over at me and make sure i'm still there and that I am doing alright. I would be lost without that boy in my life! He will one day make another woman as happy as he makes his mom!

Hunter is now 2 and he is a fireball! He is sensitive at times (mainly only when he is sick) and he is fearless all the other times! This little boy could pull off the innocent look but in all reality he is the biggest terrorist i have EVER met!  He is so funny because all of the stunts he pulls, but he always has my heart on the edge of heart failure because i know he will be my first "broken bone/ER trip".
I love this little man to pieces, and he looks like spitting image of his father so when i am missing Steven terribly bad i just look at that little guy and it gives me a reminder that i have a little "mini-me" version of Steven with me at all times!

Bailey Ann....My sweet princess is now 6 months old, and this is probably one of the funnest ages i think i went through with all 3 of my kids and I'm loving it!
She is a such a Jabber mouth and I know she just has so much to tell me but just doesn't know how to tell me yet.  I am so glad to have a little girl in my life...Bailey Ann is such a good baby and I am just anxious to see what she is like when she is around 1-2 years old, yet i am trying to soak up every moment I can now that she is a baby because this baby stage goes by so fast, and she is my last one, so regardless of how exhausted I am or how little sleep I get i just have to remind myself that it will go by too fast and i will be sad when its gone.

And now for the happy it seems.  Steven is more than amazing and I don't even know what the heck is wrong with me! I am always so sad or angry and the more i think about it the more I think it's because we rushed into this relationship with everything on "fast forward".  I miss having "US time"...I know that fades away as you have kids and the longer your married, but damnit i miss my husband.  We don't hardly have time for each other anymore.  We even take the kids to daycare and have us both take the day off work and of course it's a given that we will get a phone c all from the day care to come get one of the kids because they're all of a sudden "magically sick" and i just don't get it.  I have the worst luck when it comes to having any alone time with my husband.  I feel like we fight over everything and anything and I am on a mission to make that stop first of all, but I am also on a bigger mission to get at least ONE night to have my husband to myself....I know i sound horrible, but i am feeling the pressure of being full time parents and unless you are a parent, you have no clue how hard it is, and how much harder it is to manage a relationship with kids, especially the more kids you have the harder it is!
I still remind myself that life is way to short and that things could change in a second, so i am learning to be more patient and appreciative of what is already going on in my life regardless of what i want or need.

I always look up to my parents because i want to be just like them!! They have been married for 30 years, and they're still going strong....And i will tell you that life threw everything it had, and they still stuck together through everything...My brother and i know were not the best kids to raise and we were allot of their fights and arguments, but they still stuck together as a team!  My parents also went through the death of my brother Scotty Schroader in 2008, and they are still together, just waiting till the day they get old together and get to reunite with my brother again.
My parents are the best supportive parents i could ever ask for and i would be sooooo lost and screwed without them "bailing" me out MANY times.  I hope I turn out to be as great of parents to my children as mine have been to me!!

We are in the middle of getting into another house also as we speak, so since October 2011 we have been living in the basement of my parents home, which we are completely grateful for, but not having our own home i believe is the reason for allot of my stress, and the trigger of allot of our fights (between Steven and I).  We are living at home because the previous home we were living in, our lease was expired an we didn't want to rent another home for another year because we are so close to being qualified to buy a home, so being at my parents home gives us the chance to pay on some bills and possibly pay some things off so we can raise our credit score so we can search for the home we want to live in for the next 5-10 years.

This is my chaotic life, and even though i have some problems with needing alone time with my husband i still have to admit i wouldn't change the way things are now, because i have healthy and beautiful children...I have the most kind hearted man as my husband and my father...and i have my parents support which keeps me going... God is great, and he definitely is treating me good with the life that he has blessed me with!!

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